There are few subjects in society with as much stigma as porn (pornography). Yet, so many people consume it daily. Statistics show that 70-80% of men view pornography at least occasionally, with around 20-30% watching it daily. For women, the rates are lower, with about 30-40% viewing occasionally and 5-10% watching daily. That’s quite a lot of people.
From my own experience, I sometimes watch porn daily or weekly. It depends on what’s happening in my life and is mostly independent of whether I’m in a relationship or not.
I use porn mainly to calm my mind or when I feel lonely. It’s a quick dopamine fix, similar to how some people use alcohol. I avoid alcohol because I want to experience life with as much clarity as possible.
Access to porn nowadays is incredibly easy. It’s just a few keystrokes and clicks away, whether on a phone or computer. It’s almost too easy. With the internet available everywhere, so is porn.
When I was younger, porn felt more special and required more effort to access. My introduction was through naked pictures of women in the Bravo magazine (I’m a kid of the ’90s and 2000s culture). My parents subscribed to it for me weekly. It was a sweet, innocent version of Playboy for kids.
In school, we used our phones to send pixelated porn movies via Bluetooth. It felt wild and outrageous, and we hoped the teachers would never find out. I remember a friend mentioning that the women in the short movies were professional porn actresses, identifiable by their tattoos.
Over time, I discovered more sources on the internet and even started curating my own collections of photos and videos. It was like the predecessor to Pinterest, but for porn. It was fun and felt like an easy fix and an escape from daily life challenges, which is typical of addiction.
Pornography has an underground stigma. For alcohol or drugs, excessive use is clearly bad. For porn, it didn’t feel this way. It was exciting and novel, with a dopamine high that felt good initially but was followed by a low. This low or void could be filled with more porn or by avoiding other things.
Feeling left out and not understanding my emotions in my younger years played into this. The comic “Rat Park,” based on a scientific experiment, illustrates that people are more prone to addictive behavior when they feel socially isolated. I was a prime candidate.
Over the years, I felt a lot of embarrassment about my addiction. While I talked with friends about the latest porn movie or the hottest porn star, we never discussed it as an addiction. If someone had told me I was addicted, I would have probably denied it. These conversations never happened, and the porn industry, a massive multi-billion-dollar industry, certainly wasn’t going to address it.
Watching porn is a free choice, right? No one forces people to watch it. But it’s important to educate people about the effects of excessive porn use. Whether healthy porn use is possible, I don’t know yet. Websites like Lustery offer more ethical pornography and focus on educating people about healthy usage. Porn can enrich one’s sex life, providing inspiration. However, it’s often difficult to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy content. Porn is rarely intimate; it’s more about extreme displays for the viewer’s pleasure, often skewing perceptions of sexuality.
The cure, I believe, comes down to connection. When I feel connected to myself, I watch less porn and seek out more connection-oriented content. It’s like choosing healthy, home-cooked meals over unhealthy fast food. Setting the intention and publicly sharing lifts the shame. Shame thrives in darkness, so let’s shine a light on it.
The second part is doing the internal work and connecting more with myself and others. Reading, writing, and being still help me process things. The upcoming Yoga – Meditation – Fitness retreat in Thailand sounds like a great way to connect with myself and those around me.
Considering the effects of porn on all involved is also important. The documentary “BRAIN HEART WORLD” shows the negative effects of excessive pornography use. Excessive use has many negative effects, but in smaller doses, it may be okay, like occasionally drinking a beer.
For me, porn use has been, and sometimes still is, an addiction. It’s hard to completely avoid it with its easy availability. So, I want to approach this stigmatized subject with open conversation and do the internal work to feel more connected. This effort is for the long-term and is very rewarding because being in connection is being fully human.